Feedback is information offered in the hope that it will help someone understand or adjust their work. That purpose can get lost when a conversation becomes an opportunity to release frustration, demonstrate authority or deliver a rehearsed judgement. Before speaking, ask what you want the other person to be able to do with the information.
If you cannot answer, pause and prepare. There may still be a concern worth raising, but you need to separate what happened from what you assume it means. A useful conversation can be direct without being careless, and kind without being vague.
Prepare the observation, not the speech
Write down a specific event you directly observed or can accurately identify. Include the relevant situation, the behaviour and the effect on the work. The Center for Creative Leadership’s Situation–Behavior–Impact approach offers one way to organise this preparation.
For example: “During yesterday’s handover, the change in customer requirements was not included in the notes. The receiving colleague worked from the earlier version and had to revise the draft.” This is more useful than “You never communicate properly,” which generalises and makes the person defend their identity.
Check the effect you describe. If you are inferring it rather than observing it, label the uncertainty. “I am concerned this could create rework” is different from claiming rework definitely occurred. Do not turn a second-hand impression into an established fact.
Choose conditions that support a real answer
Use a private setting for sensitive feedback. Consider whether the person needs advance notice, written information, an interpreter or another accessibility adjustment. Ask about a suitable time rather than cornering them between urgent tasks, unless an immediate safety issue requires prompt action.
Power affects the exchange. A manager’s casual comment may be heard as a formal warning. Explain whether you are discussing ordinary development, clarifying an expectation or starting a formal process. Never disguise a formal employment matter as an informal coaching chat.
Kim Scott’s Radical Candor and Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen’s Thanks for the Feedback offer different perspectives on directness and receiving feedback. Use such frameworks as prompts for judgement, not as permission to impose your preferred communication style on everyone.
Invite the missing part of the story
After describing the observation, ask what was happening from the other person’s perspective. Listen for information that changes your understanding: conflicting instructions, unclear ownership, workload, unavailable tools or a misunderstanding of the expected result.
You do not need to abandon your concern to remain open. You can say, “That explains why the note was incomplete; we still need a way to make the changed requirement visible.” This holds the practical need alongside the circumstances rather than forcing a choice between accountability and empathy.
If the person disagrees, identify the specific point of disagreement. Is it the event, its effect or the proposed next step? Where facts are uncertain, agree how to check them. Avoid demanding immediate agreement as proof that the feedback has been received.
Make the next step proportionate
Choose an action that matches the issue. A knowledge gap may need a demonstration. An overloaded process may need fewer competing requests. A recurring behaviour may need a clear expectation and appropriate follow-up. “Be more proactive” rarely tells someone what to do differently tomorrow.
Record the agreement briefly and check that both people interpret it similarly. Include what you, as the leader, will provide. If you promise access, coaching or a decision, that promise is part of the feedback outcome too.
Give recognition with the same care
Positive feedback also benefits from specificity. Describe what helped and why it mattered: “Your summary distinguished the open question from the agreed decision, which made the next step clear.” This gives someone information they can reuse rather than a general instruction to keep being excellent.
Ask whether public recognition is welcome. Some people appreciate a team mention; others prefer a private note. Do not make recognition conditional on working beyond reasonable hours or repeatedly rescuing an unsustainable process.
Follow up without turning it into surveillance
At the agreed check-in, look at the work and ask what the person noticed. Has the change helped? Is the expectation still realistic? What support remains missing? Use the answer to adjust rather than collecting evidence for a conclusion you made in advance.
For harassment, discrimination, safety concerns or serious misconduct, use the appropriate organisational reporting and safeguarding processes. An informal feedback script is not a substitute for investigation, protection or qualified advice.